Saturday, April 25, 2009

CHUGGA chugga CHUGGA chugga

So as of yesterday, I am officially NOT going on bed rest or having a C-section. ALSO, as of yesterday, I am officially scared shitless, four and a half ponds HEAVIER, and absorbing the fact that there are no drugs to take for my increasing restless legs.

At 28 weeks along, I have a 140 beat per minute and 2.some small number pound baby, and a perfectly normal cervix length. Um, gee thanks? I always thought my cervix was perfectly normal.

As we walked out of the Dr's. office, I felt a pang of excitement drenched in deer-in-headlights-fright. No turning back now. As I head into the last trimester, I keep hearing the words of my girlfriend who delivered her OWN son exactly one month ago, "Welcome to the worst three months of your life." Pause. "But it's worth it!". Really? I will try to remember that as I lay my very big fat ass on top of the shoebox sized air conditioning vent and pour ice water over my head and rub soothing ointment on my chaffed rubbed together thighs while laying in my hugungous maternity underwear and the Mr.'s tank top.

And while the maternity undergarments ARE huge- they are so ridiculously cozy- I don't know what was holding me back. Maybe it was the advice of yet another new friend/Mom. "Just prepare yourself upon opening the package for a Shallow Hal type of moment." And I did, and it was. The pained look that discreetly crossed my VSH's ( very supportive husband's ) eyes told me everything I needed to know. I am now a utility. A cargo ship- a box car- a shopping cart even.

I am relieved to hear that my life can and will be, for the foreseeable future, anyway- carrying on. The month of May is chock full with two night classes, two weekend getaways, and three showers. And what better month for a shower aside from May? It is the momnth of last hurrahs before I am imprisoned by the heat and my oversized belly and then of course by a child. I have every intention of making it good.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Easter Weirdo

Last weekend, while "Eastering" in my hometown, my husband and I had the the privilege of spending our nights, due to a lack of sleeping spots and my VGP's ( very generous parents ), in one of two hotels on the edge of town.
We chose THIS particularly motel over the other because it is the newer of the two- and while it doesn't have a swimming pool, it is "nicer", if you will. And while it is "nicer, if you will, it is STILL a hotel. So it was no surprise to me that my very pregnant self awoke wide-eyed at the hours of 2, 3, 4, and then could never really quite fall asleep again. And BEING that it is a hotel, and I didn't want to deny both myself AND my husband the opportunity of sleep, I did my best in the wee hours to occupy myself with "things to do". Like reading with the booklight I got from my SIL ( thanks Jen, LOVE the snuggie it came with as well, and BTW- there is a snuggie pub crawl this weekend in Chicago... I am guessing that if I was properly snuggied- no one would guess I was preggers??? ) . I digress.
I read, I meditated? I think. I made mental lists and I stared at the clock. I played games like "close your eyes and see if you can calculate a minute"... and then opened them to see how I fared and would be sad that only about ten seconds had passed. I was bored. On morning two, having had enough of the folly- I gave in and opted to use the work out facilities. Which consisted of a tread mill and a weight machine in a room the size of a small bathroom. But it certainly did the trick.
The advantage of the "gym" was it's view. I was able to stare at the people walking past to either check out or dine at the free continental breakfast. And since there were only about six cars in the lot- this left a lot of down time, but still, who else stays at a hotel on Easter morning and is up at five, the people just HAD to be of interest. And they were. The "dog" sisters- two ladies in matching air brushed t-shirts of three dogs- each dined hungrily on a cake donut, bowl of cereal and a some orange juice. And they prayed before they ate. The "trucker"... the plain looking guy who drank coffee and read every corner of the paper... and then there was the "weirdo". The weirdo that has led to the writing of this post, because for the life of me, a week later, I cannot shake him from my head, and I just HAVE to share.
When he initially walked past- I thought very little of him. He was dressed in jeans and a normal looking t-shirt. No creepy greasy hair or coke bottle glasses or gold teeth. He DID have a stuffed animal, something like an old rusty Eeyore- but I assumed his wife and two year old would be soon to follow. No one followed. I waited- but no one followed.
When I finished up my work out, I helped myself to the free continental breakfast where I had a closer look at the "weirdo"... there he sat, at a table by himself, with the stuffed animal propped up on the table and it's own cup positioned carefully in front of it.
I tried not to stare as I gathered up my own coffee and cereal and newspaper, but curiousity, as I have mentioned before, has killed this cat MANY times. And while I was curious, something about it also frightened me. I chose to sit in FRONT of him, so I would not be able to see if he was staring at me. And while this may have defeated the purpose of my Easter morning spying, I am STILL 7 months pregnant and had just engaged in physical activity and food was, well, let's just say- inHALED.
As I ate and caught glimpses of him between bites of Raisan Bran, it became evident to me, that yes... this apparition of a normal man was just that. He was a closet WEIRDO! He actually had his "pet" set up to watch TV with him and was offering him bits of drink from his own special EMPTY Eeyore cup, while he snacked on his bagel and drank his coffee.
When I was solidly convinced that Eeyore was a special and very real part of this guy's life, I began to shiver as thoughts of roadside death crossed my mind. My fear outwieghed my hunger. JUST kidding- my fear caused me to gather my food and scamper back to my room as quickly as my wobbly butt and arms full of food and styrofoam cups of coffee could safely carry me- which really wasn't all that fast- but you know.. I tried to have my move on.
Anyway- even though the man wasn't technically doing anything WRONG- I still wanted to call the police. Instead I just woke my husband. He was not impressed.
All I can say is beware of regular looking men dining with stufffed pets. Something tells me there is MUCH much more to the story.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Like... It's Been Forever!

Becuase THIS seems to be so popular, and since I have been horrible about blogging lately, I figured I would kill two birds with one stone.

A) Four places that I go to over and over:
Domincks, work- specifically- to my desk in the basement... ew, Target, and my new favorite store- Kohl's- because the one by me just got remodeled and it's fab.
B) Four people who e-mail me :
Don't worry about it.
C) Four of my favorite places to eat:
Home ( fer real), at the Cellar ( a steak house in Geneseo, IL ), Places with white linen napkins( if I am lunching with my friends), and Francesca's.
D) Four places I wish I could be right now:
IN THE WATER- ( 6 months pregnant and the bouyancy is great), with my parents at their home ( I am not looking forward to the three hour drive- see previous item RE: pregnancy), Shopping for myself ( For shoes and accessories-naturally), in a magic place where my house is clean and my body looks fabulous and I get to walk around comfortably in a bikini sipping cocktails and getting spa treatments.
E) Four people I'm sure will respond:
I hate this question.
F) Four TV shows I watch:
Real World- EVERY SINGLE SEASON EVER, The Hills, Survivor, House Hunters

In other very important hold-your-breath-news, I bailed on my Facebook account. The pressures were mounting and after getting an e-mail from a guy from my third grade class I did what most other respectable persons would do, I deleted my account. Now, mind you, I don't go to my "reunions" and when I am "home" visiting, I would willingly knock down a tuna can tower in an effort to conceal my identity and to dodge an old classmate at Fareway if need be. I prefer my anonymity.
I know I know- I have heard of the security measure- but really- just e-mail me through my e-mail? Ya know? It's just like Facebook only I don't have to add a bunch of security measures and deny friendships to people I don't really like that much. Just saying. With regular e-mail and can secretly dislike you from afar and not so.... In Your Face...

My house recieved the royal cleaning while I was on Spring break last week- we are talking washed curtains and dusted ceiling fans here people. This was the big time. In preparation for the baby I decided to try to slowly but surely kill myself by trying to do a month's work of neglected house work in three days. I must admit I did pretty good- but by Thursday evening had not slept more than 9 hours in three days and was feeling a lot of tightening in the belly--- I laid down pretty much the rest of the weekend. I have made myself a mental promise to be a little more balanced from here on out. As a reward for my new promised plan ( or maybe just because I am looking for an excuse), I am getting myself a new pair of shoes. And since I do not buy new shoes often, this is what I deem a "production"..... I have perused Piperlime to Zappos, J. Crew to Target... nary a brown wedge sandal is out there that I don't know about.

Either way, it's time to pack for my Easter weekend away- the parent's house AGAIN!- what can I say, I like it there....