I have been in better places, that's for sure.
Last week, during my 35 week appointment, my Dr. seemed a tad surprised when he noticed that my belly was "measuring small", words that are now haunting me. He sent me for an ultrasound, which resulted in a slew of appointments and stress tests and additional this and thats.... ultimately, this little boy inside of me is as tiny as can be. He's only measuring at 33 weeks or so, which in baby world is huge considering they can calculate down to the day.
At first I was not worried, because his little tiny vitals seem to be great- good heart rate, good movement, good dopplers and all the others things that babies need to have for good health.
But as the days wear on and the doctors continue to pick up the pace of the stress tests and ultrasounds, I am losing my confidence. I know that it isn't fair to the tiny little guy to worry and to slow down on excitely preparing for his arrival, but all of sudden it seems as if that is on hold.
The specialist suggested he would like to induce me the second I hit 37 weeks, which is only a week and a half away. But he doesn't want to see me for TWO weeks, so I am not sure if he thought all that through. In the meantime, I hadn't gotten word from the Dr.'s I normally see or the specialist as to who was in charge for now.
This morning I woke up feeling as if it was time to pull my head out of the sand, so to speak. No more allowing the nice Dr.'s to tell me all was okay and they would see me in two days. I called my regular Dr. and she was straight with me, like I wanted her to be. She confirmed that I have every right to be nervous, just like I thought. I know worry will not get me anywhere, but how can you not? Who wouldn't? It's a crazy place to be. For me, it's better to be validated than to question your feelings in addition to all the other stuff that is going on.
My husband and I have decided to keep busy for now, and to keep our chin's up, but I am admittedly scared. We have up to a few more weeks of this, so we need to brace ourselves for anything. That's a pretty broad spectrum...I am praying that he is healthy, but my enthusiasm has surely been dampened.
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