What I Didn't Know

Aside from the fact that I have not really had time to write a blog, I have also been uncharacterstically undecided on what to write about- even when I DO have five minutes of free time.
As I go about my daily activities ( sleep, eat, pump, hold baby, change baby, feed baby, look at baby, burp baby.... ) and my head mentally composes what just could very well be the next blog- I am stopped mid-point by either A. the incredible mundaneness or B. the sheer volume of complaining I hear myself doing. It's rather ridiculous and I would prefer to spare the readership and myself of boring whiney drivel. So instead, I have chosen to join the land of the new Mommy-barely sleeping and functioning set- and this group strictly forbids any blogging- particularly of the upbeat "things are going great variety". Mostly because it's a lie and also because even it if WERE true, the other new Mommies would become crazy jealous or self deprecating or any number of other horrible sleepless and emotional reactions to someone else's well-being.
I will say, however, that there are a "few things" that were spared me during my pregnancy that I really thought I should make mention of...
For example... WTF on the "after-contractions". Such BS! No one told me, nor did I ever remember reading about such things. But yes- the "afters" are SO not fun. I know- SMALL price to pay- but would have really liked to have known about those suckers.
I also had no idea about the continuation of the "maternity garment". I figured I would just be wearing size 16 jeans or something horrendous like that... but no "real clothes" really fit. In essence, you are still pregnant. At least in the mirror. Which is sort of a mean spirited joke by the man above if you ask me, because you FEEL about a hundred pounds lighter- so really, you THINK you are looking fab and really you have NEVER looked worse. Never. So don't mistake that "thin feeling" with actual thin-NESS. Big difference and the drive thru lady will make comments about you in her head as you pay for your Big Mac.
Moreover- everyone who offers to help, or is willing to help, or IS actually a great help will NOT, and I repeat, will NOT be up for the new child's two AM feeding. So while you might be disillusioned by the fact that you will be "helped"- you need to know that you will be helped most frequently when you don't need it, like when the child is sleeping peacefully or when his diaper has JUST been changed. No offense to MY help- because it DOES help, it's just not really the "HELP" you might fancy yourself getting- because really, nothing quite says "Mom" like a poo-ey diaper and a starving crying infant at 3:25 AM, and really, it's this kind of thing that is needed for you to "earn your stripes" so to speak and why Hollywood Moms just don't get the respect.
This is of course not to discredit that MASSIVE amount of help we have recieved from my Mother or the GINORMOUS amount of food we have gotten from the SIL or Rachel or Vanessa, or the flowers or the baby clothes or the gift cards or the money from every Tom, Harry and Dick and from here to tomorrow. Really, the dresser is overflowing as is the freezer and the bank account. Haha! JUST KIDDING on the bank account- we spent his college fund on dipars already- sorry baby Jake- you were born in a recession year!
Hopefully, as things find themselves more routine and I am able to catch my breath the blogs will get back to being slightly more forthcoming. In the meantime- if you do not hear from me, considering it a favor unless you want me to list the number of diapers I am changing each day.