Friday, August 22, 2008

Neicey? Are You Out There?

I love me some Niecy Nash. I watch Clean House all of the time. And Reno 911. Mostly because of her. I like how she is able to confront these scary freaks, oops, I mean folks with compassion and forward goal- oriented thinking about gutting all of the crap out of thier lives. And that stuff goes deep. Real deep.
Recently I saw an episode of the show about the messiest house in America. It was horrific. Worse than a Salvation Army after surviving a hurricane.
It was scarier than scary.
Now... let's talk about these folks. A mother and two daughters. They looked normal on the outside, but when they spoke it was like listening to a three year old when confronted with another child's bite marks. NOT ME! If I had been Niecy, I would not have been near as compassionate and patient. I would have blown a gasket and would have had to resist from gently placing my palms around the necks and shaking hysterically until I got some sense. Ot at least an admission.
Eventually, this family, after many, many, tears allowed eight trash dumpsters of pure SHIT to be hauled away. There was the requisite yard sale and what not... and even still the basement had to be stripped of it's intended design in order to house over 50 more bins worth of valuables. Sorry Mark, I know you tried!
In the end, mom seemed okay about the new relaxing home she could actually navigate and USE. But what got me was the reluctance to admit they liked anything. The one daughter, age 24, was a little bitch about her bedroom, which had been coated in Grateful Dead posters upon a layer of pink Holly Hobby wallpaper. The older daughter said she was going to move out and take all of her new bedroom furntiture WITH her. The mom nonchalantly said thanks at the end as if these people just didn't make it reasonably possible for her to FUNCTION. ( One guy said he found food in the fridge that expired in 2005 ). She did manage to hang onto some horrible PINK window treatments as she loved them. I might have to if it was still 1977.
I am left days later still thinking about it, actually traumautized by the whole experience.
I think it goes without saying that part of the reason I watch this show, and most reality shows for that matter, is to feel better about myself. It's obvious that while I am laying on the couch doing absolutely nothing and feeling guilty that I can easily say at least my house is not like that! Key word being house.
That is until yesterday. And I almost had a nervous breakdown.
I thought I would just stop by my classroom for a little bit and organize some of my things.
I needed a dumpster. And Niecy. It was out of control in there.
A co-worker stopped by and asked why I had so many stuffed animals. I couldn't think of a reasonable answer, I just asked him to please throw all the plush toys away because I didn't know if I would be capable of doing it.
I was there for over three hours. Luckily my friend and co-worker was helping me. Or I think I would have thrown myself onto one of TWO mounting piles of junk in a big blubbery mess. I was horrified by my collection and came home and drank three beers one after the other to cope.
I have to admit, I didn't realize it had gotten so bad. If I were watching myself on TV I would have chuckled to myself and thought- yeah right! You are lazy and depressed you fool!
I am humbled.

1 comment:

Jacki said...

The irony is when you come to my house you are my "Niecey Nash". Let's pitch some of those 1977 board games next week.