Swimsuit Season

I haven't needed to wear my swimming suit all year yet and thoughts of an upcoming weekend at a water park is giving me some anxiety. Well, some is like, not even close to being true. More like major anxiety and that is being cautious. Think about how you feel right after you trip and you are midway between the ground and standing in your upright position, feet firmly planted.

I have been doing Weight Watchers since June. I really like what it does for me.... but counting points get OLD. I have lost at least 12 pounds, and don't have to do any back to school shopping because all the pants I had "outgrown" last year fit this year and look as good as new. So, a fully covered ass isn't really the issue here.

The big question is the clearly-out-there-for-the-world-to-see uncovered ass. The swimming suit.

I mean, at this point, I am 12 more pounds away from my normal weight. And when I say normal I am talking about a weight that I have been at many times in my life and keeps me a solid size 10. It's a reasonable an attainable goal to aim for. But I have tasted the sweetness of some success and was sort of thinking, heck, why not GO for it? How about a size 8? Or a 6 even? It would be nice if people forced sandwiches on me. That NEVER happens now. I tell people I am on Weight Watchers and they say... Oh that's good. WTF? Screw you! I am not THAT fat, am I?

Anyway- I am obsessed and have drifted off to sleep many a night envisioning pulling myself out of a swimming pool in a cute bikini with hips jutting out and butt cheeks like two 16 inch softballs - and in a suit I just picked up off the rack because I LIKE it vs. considering the way the side straps will create bulges like pinched water ballons on my sides.

It would also be nice to have enough confidence so when people look at me I don't automatically assume they are wondering why that fat ass is trying to look good in a suit that is way too small... and unflattering. I mean, and then there is the eating. I don't dare even nibble on a salad while "in suit"... I mean, I have seen some rather large chicks eating right out of a Doritios bag while "in suit", and we are all thinking the same thing. She has just given up. And who knows? She could also be on Weight Watchers and has just lost 80 pounds and feels great and has earned that snack, but swimsuit season is tough- and mercy is hard to find.

Anyway- there is nothing I can do to speed up the weight loss process so I will just have to go on, business as usual. Make sure I place my sarong as close to the pool steps as possible. Eat a decent size meal before I go to avoid snack bar anxiety. And make sure that when I am standing waiting in line for a water slide that I am never next to a 20 year old with taut skin, making me, in comparison, huge.